Monday, April 11, 2011

My Call To Carmel

   My story begins when I was 12 years old. That's when I had my conversion. I had found that God was my true father. Here is a little background about my conversion. 

Like I said I had my conversion when I was 12 years old. When I was 12 I was always looking for something to make me happy.  And  I later found out the it was God. One day I was in my brother's room and he was talking about God and how loving he was. And how if you except God into your heart you would be saved. So I asked God into my heart later that night. At that time I became Christian if you want to put a name on it. But to tell you the truth "Christian's" are not what I was searching for, it was not fulfilling to me. I would always watch the Catholic channel  (EWTN) and the Christian channel (TBN). But I always found myself going back to EWTN . One day I just decided that I wanted to become Catholic. And I am telling you a week after that God gave me the call to religious life.     I'll tell you a little about how God called me before I was even Catholic. One day I was walking by the tv, my mind was still set on what I was going to do with my life (still only 12). Mother Angelica was on the tv praying with her nuns and I walked back and just looked at the tv and I realized that God wanted me to be a nun. At first I wanted to be a Poor Clare like Mother Angelica , but that only lasted for 1 year, till I watched the St. Teresa of the Andes movie. That is why I love her (St. Teresa of the Andes) so much because she showed me that I was not called to be a Poor Clare but to be a Carmelite, to walk hand and hand with our Lord in that desert we call Carmel.                   

       Now I want to tell how I got accepted into Carmel.
When I was 16 I was allowed to start writing to nuns. As you all know I wanted to join the Brooklyn Carmelite's. They asked to wait 5 years before I could join their convent. I was going to wait ,but that didn't mean that I couldn't contact other Carmel's in the mean time. To be honest with you I was going  crazy because none of the Carmelite's that I wrote to wanted to hear me out. They thought that I was to young or didn't think that I had enough experience in the church. But remember that I have been experiencing the faith since I was 12 years old. When I became Catholic I felt like a cradle Catholic. That was one thing about Cristo Rey, they listened to everything  that I had to say. They wanted to help guide me. When I first contacted  Cristo Rey I was thinking that they would tell me I had to wait 3 to 5 years. But when I got a phone call from Sr. Mary of the Sacred Heart it gave me a real chance to talk about things I really couldn't talk about to other communities. Sr. Mary told me the first time that I didn't have to wait 3 to 5 years because they want to give every woman a chance. Waiting 3 to 5 years can make a woman lose her vocation. When she told me that over the phone I just wanted to scream because I was so happy. About a week later I called Sr. Mary and she told me that all I needed was the required information. She even said that I could join this year if things worked out according to plans. So now I have enrolled in a GED class and
about 1 week ago Sr. Mary called me to tell me that they had a Chapter Meeting. Prior to that I talked to the SubPrioress M. Elizabeth and we had a wonderful talk. So about a week after that talk I had with M. Elizabeth I was informed that I was excepted into the community.

Wednesday, April 6, 2011

St. Theresa of the Andes Letter to her Mother

Convent of the Holy Spirit
May 1919

Mrs Lucia Solar de Fernandez:

May Jesus be with my beloved Mommy:

Since today is Sunday we didn't have so many chores, so that Rev. Mother is letting me travel your way for a few minutes to chat with you. But now I'll have to put two chairs out, becasue Jesus is coming, too. It's impossible to separate us now. What happiness... You don't know how much I enjoy your letters. They all show me that the heavenly feelings in my own soul are echoed faithfully in the soul of my dear mother. How often I thank my good Jesus for having given me a Mom like mine, a mother who looks out for God's concerns! Oh, Mom, let's you and I love Jesus who is so hated and mistreated. Let's console Him at every second and tell Him that we love Him. He really loves that never-ending song of love. Let's love Him in our every action, doing each thing perfectly and only to please Him. Let's love Him adorable will in every circumstance Cross is not heavy; martyrdom is not felt; we live more in Heaven then on earth. The life of the Carmel is one of love. This is our profession.

I assure you, Mother dear, that what I feel is insatiable hunger and thirst that souls may turn to God ans seek Him not out of fear but with unbounded trust in His Divine Love. When a soul gives herself over to Him in this way, Jesus does it all; becasue He sees that the soul is poor and unable to do any good; and, since He sees it full of good will and self-doubt, His loving Heart is touched and He takes over.

Look for God in this way, Mother dear, and you'll find God coming close to you, casting you more deeply into the infinite ocean of His love. it seems as if Our Lord likes this very much, since He makes His presence felt there in our soul. Let's abandon ourselves completely, Mom, to His adorable Will; and He will do everything becasue He loves us infinitely.

As for what you told me about Miguel, it really touched me and I'm praying for him alot. And you know already that I've come to Carmel to convert him. Rev. Mother, with such goodness, offers up everything for him and all my dear Sisters are praying, too. Let's have trust; and the Sacred Heart will arrange all things for His glory. God never fails to hear a mother's prayers. So then, let us suffer, pray love. These must be Our bywords to succeed.

You can't imagine how Rev. Mother looks out for me. She came in the other day convinced I didn't have enough bed clothes, touched the bed to be sure, went off looking for more blankets to cover me. She really spoils me, overwhelms me with her kindness. But it seems that she and Our Lord are in cahoots. What have I done to deserve such attention? But since the two of them spareno effort to care for me, what can I do but enjoy it? I'm happy, becasue I'm in charge of waking up the community. I get up a quarter of an hour before waking up my dear Sisters. This is so delightful, for it's still dark with the moon still out. I'm the first to go in to the choir. There, all alone before Our Lord, I tell Him all kinds of things, Mother dear, about everyone, for at that hour He has to be very generous, after saving up graces all night for souls. I love this job becasue I'm to call my Sisters to prayer; and, with my own praises so poor, at least I'm bringing in other souls who know better how to love and praise the Divine Prisoner. And today I also went to the kitchen to learn how to cook. I'm delighted, and I was thinking of Susana with all her scurring about.

We have begun the month of the Sacred Heart. You can imagine with how much devotion and recollection they celebrate it here. This is my first month of the Sacred Heart at Carmel; can this be a dream? They pray that prayer you used to recite, the one I liked so much: "Oh Jesus, I consecrate my heart to you."

In our novitiate, we have a Little Baby Jesus donated by Rev. Mother Margarita. It used to be in the choir and, after I came, they brought it here. Yesterday everyone wanted the Baby Jesus back, but our Rev. Mother wouldn't let them take it from us. They had taken Him to the choir and He came over here with His Teresa, and I spent an hour shut up in my cell talking to Him about a thousand things, since I'm such a silly thing. Friday we're going on an eight-day retreat to get ready for Pentecost. Fantastic! Won't you pray that your Teresita may be really carried away with God?
I wish you'd ask the Sacred Heart Sisters for that hymn, "I will repeat the song of love. " I think they call it. Also send "Cor Jesu, Rex." I hope they'll lend them to you so that you can copy them. Please send the things I asked for in my letter to Rebecca as soon as you can. God will reward you for everything, Mother dear. Bye for now. Affectionate greetings and my Sisters do, too. Abig hug to Dad and to my brothers and sisters. And for you, here's all the love of your unworthy

Teresa of Jesus, Carmelite

Special greetings to my aunt Juanita, to Julia, Sister Esther Pelle, Mother Josefine. I remember each one of them in a special way. Say the same to Juanita Ossa and to her little girls. They've just given me your letters. Please thank them so much in Rev. Mother and the Sister's name for the gift. Tell them I'll write them soon. Hello to my governess and to Rosa and every one there at the house. How's Lucecita doing? Bye. May we live in Christ, praising and loving Him. When's Rebecca going back to school? Greetings to all the Sisters, with whom I'm one in spirit. Father Avertano came and heard my confession. I like hin very much. He's very holy and spiritual.